i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me i tasted like america
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
