When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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