I think my vagina is haunted
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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