How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
