You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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