wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
