I wannas sexs uuuuu
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
