I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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