he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
