just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
