clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
