already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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