another moral hangover. fuck.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
