I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
