she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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