In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
