3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
