i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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