I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
