Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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