This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
