I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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