just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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