u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
