Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
