he shaved USA in his pubs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
