Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
