First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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