I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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