so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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