Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
