i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
