He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
