Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
