i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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