I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
