I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize