I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
