it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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