I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
