I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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