Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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