I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
