nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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