I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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