Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So squirting runs in the family.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
