The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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