so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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