u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
