Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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