I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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