VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
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