Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
