Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
