I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
