My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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