you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
