he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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