4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
