I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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