Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
