Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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