i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
