My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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