there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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