and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How's work?
Spinning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
