I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
