she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
