ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
