also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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