that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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