mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
