We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
