So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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