well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
