Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
