No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
