i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
