I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
