i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
