and next time when you feel me up, do it right
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
