Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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