Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
