I think i peed on brittanys purse
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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