Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
