Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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