y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
