dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
