East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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